Dating 101: Do good guys end up last? (Part 1)

Do good guys end up last? I wrote this post two years ago, after a conversation with my ex-colleague Apples. Apples if you don’t already know her, is what I would call a 千金大小姐 (a high maintenance lady). We had widely differing perceptions on dating, but there was a point we agreed unanimously on.

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Good guys are boring.

Before I get slammed by all the good guys I know (which are 99.9% of guys my social circle), please allow me to define “good”.

Good here means pandering to the wants of your other half. I use the word pander here because it’s okay to go out of your way to do something for someone you love. But I am referring to situations where it can be unreasonable, or over excessive.

I am also not saying that we shouldn’t date good guys. Good guys are precious, and if found, should be kept in the drawer and locked up (joking).

I am just saying, as a guy, you shouldn’t go out of your way to please a girl. For example, helping her carry her pink and fluffy handbag even though it’s light as a feather. Or jumping in your car to fetch her home at the slightest buzz of the phone.

Apples said, and I must quote, “Good guys will make you feel like a princess. Maybe during the first 3 to 4 months it will be quite shiok.. but after that? Unless you are that sort of girl who likes and craves this sort of attention for the long-term.”

Basically, if you are a guy and you are innately good, (that’s good for you), don’t give in 100% of the time. There is a difference between showing concern for someone and getting taken advantage of. And trust me, you don’t want to be at the other side of the fence.

Please don’t be a “Yes” man.

If you have a strong viewpoint on something, go ahead and argue your way through. If you have valid points, I am sure you would be much more respected for airing it out. After all, a meaningful discussion is only made possible when both parties offer alternate opinions.

Personally, maybe it’s because of the follies of youth that I also find guys with a five-year plan to save up for a HDB flat and start a family extremely unattractive. I mean, we are at the best times of our lives! A time where we are able-bodied and with not much responsibilities on hand. Why not spend the money travelling the world rather than living out that Singapore life cycle!

Maybe it’s just the age. At <<insert an early twenty something age>>, predictability and stability are not traits I’m looking out for.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate good guys. I really do. An offer to lift the water cooler to the dispenser is always welcomed. Looking out for me when we cross the road is a small act, but nice nonetheless. Pulling out your credit card to pay for a meal is always sweet, especially when one has to deal with impending unemployment.

All I am saying is, if you are good and want to do your bestest for the person you love, you got to be smart and subtle about it. While being good and gentlemanly is a pre-requisite for most girls, it’s what you make of your differences that’s gives you the trump card.

While I  admire and respect any guy who has the guts to tell me that I suck (of course with good reasons), I may be the minority. The views aired here, could be just the thoughts of two random girls – take them with a pinch of salt.

I must reiterate that I wrote this post some two years ago… any thoughts? Do share them in the comments section below. : )